Screw that. Why choke down bland, mushy, steamed veggies and brown rice when there's so much fat-laden, calorie-rich, heart-bursting cuisine out there to be savored? Because you want to live? So you can spend your golden years wandering aimlessly around a Florida shopping mall and eating dinner at 2 in the afternoon? So your rotten kids can plop you into some hellhole of a nursing home the minute you forget what day it is? Go ahead, triple your cholesterol and triglyceride counts, and clog those arteries. You'll never get out of this world alive, so enjoy life while you can. Here are the most unhealthy triple-bypass recipes sure to satisfy the most insatiable cholesterol craving. Instead of steamed tofu, try Lard-Oozing Caja-China-Roasted Hog or Pizzeria-style Baked Ziti with Sausage and Mozzarella! Follow up with a decadent dessert of Deep-Fried Twinkies or Ice Cream Lasagne. You'll die quicker but with a smile on your face. will put you back in touch with your Inner Hog. "Gleefully offensive." -- "Thanks for using a pseudonym." --Steve's father is author of and In 1983, he was indicted for eating a live midget. Steve lives in Miami, where he enjoys fishing, piano, home-brewing, and cooking enormous portions of unhealthy food.