You are much more than you think! The seed was planted in early childhood that I was deeply flawed, that at my core there was nothing of value to be found. This secret and all it entailed had to be hidden at all cost. People could not be trusted. You had to fight through all obstacles in order to prove your self worth. Life itself would punish the "wicked". Each failure and the downward spiral into addiction seemed to confirm this belief. It could not be seen at the time, that these devastating events were actually pointers, directional guides to a path leading to Freedom. A path to Truth. A path to eternal Bliss!