"If the great European artists of the past were alive today, what kinds of statements would they need to write to explain and justify their work?" In his newly released book, Artist's Statements of the Old Masters, HuffingtonPost Arts blogger John Seed answers this question for 24 great European works of art, satirizing the language of Postmodern art writing in the process. In Seed's hilarious sendup, Old Master artists make pretentious comments that sound a lot like those made by today's postmodern academics and MFA candidates. For example, the 18th century painter Fragonard talks about "investigating the callipygian forms of a complex homosocial nexus in an anti-Lacanian context." The Northern Renaissance master Hieronymous Bosch "investigates a lexicon of parafictional erotic proclivities." Early Reviews: McArthur Prize winning critic Dave Hickey says: "No young art-historian should be without this book. It fills a gaping hole in Old Master Studies." Art Dealer and critic Mat Gleason comments: "A great takedown and easily the best art world satire in a decade." The book contains 24 color images and statements for the following European Masters: Leonardo da Vinci Jan Van Eyck Jean Baptiste Greuze Diego Velázquez Hieronymus Bosch Jean-Honore Fragonard Titian Peter Paul Rubens Frans Hals Raphael Jean-Baptiste Greuze Rachel Ruysch Juan Sánchez Cotán Pieter Aertsen Pieter Claesz Michelangelo Buonarroti Jean-Antoine Watteau Van Dyck Jusepe de Ribera Jacques Louis David Joachim Patinir Jacob Van Ruisdael Rembrandt Van Rijn