I define confrontation as tension in a relationship. A situation will build until it reaches a point where somebody feels they need to say something. So confrontation is the need to have a conversation.
There are different degrees of confrontation. There is a nice friendly conversation, like, "It bugs me when you do this." Then there are higher degrees of confrontation, usually when people wait too long to have the conversation, and by the time they need to have a confrontation, it's escalated - at least in one person's mind - to something that's quite a bit larger than it might have been otherwise.
The quick and simple definition of confrontation is "tension that needs to be addressed." Most people don't enjoy it at all. It's an uncomfortable conversation. It doesn't matter how many times you have to have a confrontation, it's never fun.
Obviously there are right ways to do it, and in this book I'm going to be talking about those right ways and walking you through what you need to do, how you need to do it, when you need to do it.
You're never really going to like doing it or even get comfortable doing it. But it's a conversation that needs to happen so that the relationship can move forward. By ignoring a confrontation you are allowing the situation to escalate and it will damage the relationship. Confrontation (done properly) is damage control or relationship management.
Although I use a lot of workplace examples, I will use some general life examples as well. You can, for example, have confrontation in your family. You might need to say to a family member, "It really bugs me when you don't show up at my house on time." That could be a conversation, but it could feel very filled with tension, more like confrontation.
Whenever you're having a confrontation, there has to be gray. It's not black or white. There has to be gray, and the willingness to accept that gray and find a solution that works for everybody is the mark of a successful confrontation.