How does pissing all over a toilet seat in a public restroom help our economy? Why did I deliver a case of cream cheese to a food bank? Why do I wash my hands before going to the bathroom instead of after? Why did I spend an entire family vacation fighting with the FDA over the number of servings in a can of PAM? This book will be answering these important questions and will be telling you the tales of America's top free thinker. Or maybe America's biggest idiot. Either way, if you are looking for a self-help book on how to become a more productive member of our society, this book is not for you. However, if you want to start living your life like an intelligent alien and end the days of waddling around like a penguin following everyone else, then this book will change your life forever.