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What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She choked.
How do you get a blonde’s eyes to sparkle?
Shine a light in her ear.
What’s the definition of “making love”?
It’s what a woman does while a man’s screwing her.
How does an Englishman know that his wife is dead?
Sex is still the same, but the dishes are piling up in the sink.
What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk at the funeral.
Why is a fat woman like a scooter?
They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want you friends to see you on either.
A woman walked into the bank to deposit a large bag of cash.
“Did you hoard all this money yourself?” asked the teller.
“No,” she replied. “My sister whored half of it.”